The underlying premise of this advice is that my husband just did not know that I liked affection. Or maybe he didn’t realize that he did not show affection. He just somehow…forgot. When I was newly married at 22, I had no idea I would ever call myself a surrendered wife. At that time, I would have been repulsed by the whole idea. Of course it's important to be honest in your relationship, but it's also important to be polite. If you have to overlook your husband's minor faults to treat him respectfully then do it. Do this for the same reason you would go to work in the morning even if you didn't feel like it -- because it's something you've committed to doing and others are counting on you.

I've noticed lots of women have trouble receiving compliments, and not just because we're trying to be modest. If you’re a wife who feels overwhelmed, lonely and responsible for everything, this book is perfect for you. If you can admit that you frequently or sometimes control, nag, or criticize your husband, then it is up to you and you alone to take the actions described here to restore intimacy to your marriage and dignity and peace to yourself. For instance, I thought I was merely making helpful suggestions when I told my husband that he should ask for a raise. When I urgently exclaimed that we should have turned right instead of left while riding in a friend’s car who knew perfectly well how to get to our destination, I reasoned that I was trying to save time and avoid traffic. When I tried to convince my brother that he really should get some therapy, I justified butting into his life as wanting “to be there for him.” You can put everything right again but only if you do things very, very differently than you’ve been doing them. Then there’s deep, deep hurt. He doesn’t love you. Does it mean you’re unlovable? Making that immense pain stop becomes your imperative.

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis a"h

I was unknowingly in an abusive marriage and desperate to improve it- which is how I found this book. My then-husband treated me terribly and I tried everything to “fix” myself- to make him love me and treat me as such. I found this book while trying to become some version of a person and wife I imagined he wanted. This book brought me further into self hate and also helped to convinced me that I was doing something wrong and that I should be better. The Surrendered Single is a book to help single women attract a good man according to the principles of Surrendering. Doyle advocates the surrender of control of another. A surrendered single is a woman who chooses to apply the principles of surrendering to her life so as to serenely attract a good man rather than desperately seek a mate. The Surrendered Wife’s popularity highlights how an insular religious group with carefully preserved boundaries can in fact be quite porous to outside influence—particularly to views popular on the American Christian right. A mini-industry of Orthodox “Laura Doyle coaches” and educators has emerged, most of them unlicensed yet fashioning themselves as quasi-therapists, offering marital-harmony courses and workshops. Drawing from Doyle’s text (albeit sometimes without Doyle’s direct involvement or instruction), they teach women how to accept their husbands, to never criticize, and above all, to be aidel, the Yiddish word for “refined” or “demure.” But recently, the book’s proliferation in the community has stirred controversy, as some Orthodox women began to publicly criticize this sort of marriage education. Try to want what you have, instead of spending your strength trying to get what you want.” —ABRAHAM L. FEINBERG”

If you're feeling like you can't possibly stand to live with your husband's snoring, laziness or selfishness one more day, spend some time with a single friend to remind yourself what it's like to be alone.There was no single moment when the surrendered light bulb went off in my head. Instead, I changed little by little. I experimented, first by keeping my mouth shut, and sometimes even my eyes, when John drove. When we arrived in one piece, I decided that I would always trust him behind the wheel, no matter how strong my urge to control. Our thoughts, our words, and deeds are the threads of the net which we throw around ourselves.” – Swami Vivekananda The Return of the Man Who Wooed Me If you're anything like me, you're used to being vigilant all the time. This means that although you have plenty of your own responsibilities, you keep an eye on lots of other things as well. We do this because we believe that if we were really to let go and sleep with both eyes shut, everything might go to hell in a hand-basket.